They left out a whole lot in history class!

Got my hands on a couple of books on ancient Egypt in primary school and thereafter felt I knew all there was to know about it (pre-teenage… what can I say… 'tis the only time in life you truly believe you know everything). It took getting to Hurghada and allowing a shop owner to talk me into ‘trusting’ him, to realize just how much was left out of those books. The trusting is in quotes ‘cause … you have to talk yourself into trusting a guy who tells you “walahi I will give you special discount”.

I get to Hurghada at 6am, and since I was extra bright and didn’t change money at the airport I’ve just left, I am bila 'bounds' but do find out that the taxi fare to my hotel should be around $6. I cave in to a “taxi?” request, and he says it’ll cost me $25. I tell him I have been reliably informed that it should cost $6, so I’m not paying anything more than $10. He starts talking about how he had to pay for parking and airport entry, and I tell him that has nothing to do with me. He brings it down to $20, then $15. I ask him to let me off when I’ve spent $10, and point me in the direction of my hotel, I’ll walk the remainder of the way. He brings it down to $11, and insists on an additional $1 for bakshish. The guide books don’t joke when they talk about haggling! A few minutes later we’re at my hotel, having passed through some pretty desolate looking places. Sand everywhere. Can’t decide whether I like it or not yet, ‘cause I have a cold, am cold (it’s windy!), sleepy, and hungry. I check in to my room (after being told that it’s usually a 2pm check in) and am informed that the bank opens at 9am-12pm and 6-10pm. Gotta love a different system… that realizes life shouldn’t be confined to the hours of 9am – 5pm. Fruit basket gets attacked as soon as I’m settled, and I get to eat a ‘wet’ date for the first time ever. It… hints of taste and texture to come.

I black out until midday, dress very warmly and leave the room. Am back within 2 minutes of being outside… clearly the sun makes a difference to temperatures around here. Wear a t-shirt but carry something long-sleeved. I get pointed in the general direction of town and am off. Have legs and camera will travel. Still feeling listless and dull thanks to the cold, but the sun feels good, and hunger (for something other than fruit) drives me to seek out a restaurant. As I look for a restaurant that serves food that’ll hit the spot, I stop by hotels to find out how their rates and room quality compares to the place I’m staying. Armed tourist police at every major hotel I pass by... hinting that all is not well in this part of the world. I pass gaucho (argentinia), mafia (Italian restaurant… just in case you hadn’t figured it out), Lebanese, then ‘Papas II’ where I sit down for a burger and chips. A map I saw on a shop window indicated there are 2 KFCs and 2 McD’s somewhere in this town… they get enough tourist traffic to sustain those? Maybe I’m here during low season ‘cause streets are pretty deserted.

After a good (junk) meal, I pass by an internet café and as I’m leaving the ‘mall’, taking pics of a Nefertiti pic on papyrus parchment, and other misc. photos, a shop owner (turns out he’s 27) invites me into his shop. I go in to browse, and he invites me to tea and a chat. I figure… why not? We exchange vital data, then I ask him if he has any Cleopatra parchments (for a friend who thinks Cleo was the most beautiful woman ever. Me... I think the evidence indicates Nefertiti was the supuu. Cleo though, probably had enough feminine wiles in her little finger to have 20 men fall at her feet, as history indicates, lucky woman). He has 3 shops (directly or indirectly) in the mall: jewelery, tshirts, and misc. statuettes. We go to the misc. shop so we can look at the Cleopatra parchments he has.

He steps out the shop to look for Nefertiti, and I take a look around. When I see the statuette, I first think it’s a badly carved piece of work, and wonder why he’s selling it. It appears to me, at first glance, that the sculptor meant to show a man holding his leg up (the way the Zulus throw their legs up in dance). A quick browse of the store indicates that this particular statuette is not unique: (*can't figure out how to insert a link to the image - it's honestly too racy to just put up bila link - so if you can helb, bleez see me kando. I bromise it'll be worth the technical assistance you give - grin) One leg missing, and an extra large ‘3rd leg’. Definitely a story begging to be told here.

His name was Aminkamb (according to shopkeeper. Sadly, can’t find him on google, so will have to wait until I can ask others schooled in mythology… perfect excuse to buy one, neh?). The king went to war and left Amin in charge of the harem. When king returned, he found all the concubines pregnant. After asking who dunnit, and everyone pointing at Amin, he had Amin’s right leg and left arm amputated to teach him a lesson. Off went the king again, (not having learnt his lesson the first time) and returned to find his wife pregnant, same culprit. So the king had something done to keep Amin’s phallus permanently…engorged, and had him? his body? placed at the palace door thereafter.

Today (according to shopkeeper) he is a fertility god for women who want to get pregnant. I am now giggling like a schoolgirl, and he tells me I can touch it if I want to (the statuette, people!). I quickly decline… no need to touch a fertility fetish when I’m not in that whole ‘fertility’ frame of mind. He indicates he has larger statuettes… but I decline… I just want to take pictures. Now, the modern day stories are pretty interesting: these are especially popular gift items among gay guys and a woman has given fellatio to the larger of the statuettes. I've just discovered something else Amin is good for: dispelling blues cast by colds and 'PMS'… facilitating endorphin injection into bloodstream by way of delighted embarrassed giggles. Die olde mojo’s back after a two day absence.